JOKES! JOKES! JOKES!

 
My people good morning, hope you had a wonderful night. Don't worry if you didnt, your day shall be beautiful, in Jesus name. To start this day on a cheerful mood I have some good jokes that will make you smile. Enjoy.

Short Stories With a Religious Theme

Bedtime Story

Darlene was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, 'Grandpa, did God make you?'
'Yes, darling,' he answered, 'God made me a long time ago.'
'Oh,' Darlene paused, 'Grandpa, did God make me too?'
'Yes, indeed, poppet,' he said, 'God made you just a little while ago.'
Feeling their respective faces again, Darlene observed, 'God's getting better at it, isn't he?'

Benjamin listened closely as Rabbi Greenbaum read from the Bible.

'May I ask a question?' Ben asked.
Of course, go ahead, ask your question,' replied the rabbi.
'Well, the Bible says that the children of Israel crossed the Red Sea,' continued Ben, 'also that the children of Israel built the temple, the children of Israel did this and the children of Israel did that.  Didn't the grown-ups ever do anything?'

Help from God

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A woman named Edna finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray...' God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.'
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Edna again prays.... 'God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lotto night comes and Edna still has no luck.
Once again, she prays, 'My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE, just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Edna is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
'Edna, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.'

Catholic Heart Attack

After suffering a heart attach and having quadruple bypass surgery, a man woke up to find himself in a Catholic hospital with nuns taking care of him. As they nursed him back to health, one of the nuns asked him if he had health insurance.
"No," he replied, "No health insurance."
"Do you have any money in the bank?" asked the nun.
"No. No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have any relatives you could ask for help?"
The man replied, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
At this the nun because irritated. "Nuns are not spinsters. Nuns are married to God!"
"OK, then," said the man. "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

The Lord is My Shepherd

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her 2 nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter.
One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn't memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, "The Lord is my Shepherd and that's all I need to know!"

Hymns for People Over 50

Give Me the Old Timers Religion
Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
Just a Slower Walk with Thee
Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
Guide Me O Thou Great Lord God, I've Forgotten Where I've Parked The Car
Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One
Blessed Insurance
It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt