I can't think of anything more difficult than this. I felt it once
in High School and again now in college, but this time it's worse. It's so bad
that I eat once every couple of days and sleep until 4 in the afternoon. You go
from feeling sad to angry to hopeful that you might be with that person anyway
in the future. I just can't stop thinking about her, even though I want to. I
know it's bad to dwell on the past like this, but I just can't help it. I feel
like I could be such a better person with her around. I could climb Mount Everest ... twice. She made me feel 100% fearless of
anything standing in my way... But it wasn't meant to be and now I'm coming
down like I took some super drug...
Okay first thing first let’s understand what heartbreak really is,
and what to do when we experience one.
The dictionary defines heartbreak as “crushing grief, anguish, or
distress.” In today's world, the term brokenhearted usually describes someone
who has suffered a failed relationship or loss of a loved one. A search of the
internet makes it appear as though almost all heartbreak comes from divorce or
a being dropped by a lover. But a broken heart may be brought on by a myriad of
causes such as disappointment in a child's lifestyle, loss of possession, loss
of job, etc. Whatever the cause, the pain of a broken heart can be enormous.
Dating is a fairly common thing with most Christian teens, and it
takes a lot of courage to open up your heart to someone else. Yet opening up
your heart also means it can be broken. A breakup isn't the end of the world,
but that doesn't mean it's not painful.
Does that mean you just close yourself off to others? No. People
will come in and out of your life, and the coming and goings aren't always
pleasant. Then you have to deal with friends and family trying to be consoling
or funny in order to help you get over your breakup. Often you end up feeling
guilty that you're in pain.
Yet, you have to let yourself feel the pain so you can let go of
the heartache. One of the best ways to do that is to pray. Have a conversation
with God about how your are feeling. He's the best secret-keeper, anyhow. You
can tell Him anything, and He's always there to listen. Allow Him to guide you
through your heartache so you can heal. While everyone around you may give you
advice of how to get over your heartache, it is God that will not only offer
advice but actually help you heal.
Heartbreak is difficult and
not something that is easily “gotten over,” nor should it necessarily be.
What I have discovered
through “trial and error” (a.k.a. dating) is most relationships don’t
work out (surprise!), and it would be beneficial for us to learn from
and learn how to manage break-ups since we may encounter them again.
For many of us, it is a day
to day journey of struggle, heartache, emotions and growth. Some journeys will
be easier than others and some may last longer than others (oftentimes
depending upon which side of the break-up you are on). However, your journey
can and will lead to peace if you refrain from holding onto
bitterness, spite, envy, jealousy and anger against your former “interest.”
Do not judge and you will
not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you
will be forgiven (Luke
6:37).
We may “think” we are hurting
someone by having ill feelings toward them. In reality, we are only hurting
ourselves by delaying our grieving, healing, forgiving and growing process. We
shouldn’t be acting or reacting like those of the world(and as we
see on television reality shows), but rather living according to the
instructions the Lord gives us in his Word.
The three most important
things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love (1
Cor. 13:13, NIRV).
The events in Job's life may be the earliest biblical record of
heartbreak. In one day Job lost his children, almost all worldly possessions,
his health, and his means of livelihood. What was Job's response? "Then
Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and
worshiped. And he said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I
return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the
LORD'" (Job 1:20-21). Job grieved. Yet, he worshipped God and remained
faithful. Although he had doubts as to God’s goodness in these terrible events,
through the trial he grew closer to God through God’s revelation of Himself
(Job 42:1-5). Job learned what all believers can learn through heartbreak—God
is faithful and good and trustworthy.
David, a man after
God’s own heart, suffered many heartbreaking circumstances. Each time, he
recovered and was an even stronger man of God. Psalm 34 gives an example of how
David overcame heartbreak by calling on the Lord. Notice the first step:
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears"
(Psalm 34:4). David knew "the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves
the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). Finally, he expressed a confidence
in the love of God that every believer should have: "Many are the
afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all"
(Psalm 34:19).
One might ask in a
moment of despair, "He may have helped David, but does God care about
me?" The answer is He absolutely does! "He who did not spare his own
Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give
us all things?" (Romans 8:32). What a comfort to know that God "will
never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). God is always near to
comfort the believer. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all
our affliction" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). God, who cannot lie, has promised
to go through our trials with us. "When you pass through the waters, I
will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when
you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume
you" (Isaiah 43:2).
God never failed
one of His people when they cried out to Him, and He will not fail the
heartbroken Christian who cries out to Him today. He may not always answer exactly
in the way we would like, but He answers according to His perfect will and
timing and, while we are waiting for the answer, His grace is sufficient (2
Corinthians 12:9).
Finally, those who
belong to Christ and are enduring heartbreak must know that God loves them and
that His love is unconditional. Imagine the grief God the Father endured as He
witnessed the crucifixion of His Son on the cross. What amazing love! That same
God is there to comfort the brokenhearted and restore the joy of their
salvation.
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